Salvete! Welcome to my blog!
I am Gaius Julius Caesar — arguably the greatest military commander in the history of Rome. My subjects are ever so grateful for all the arduous work I do on their behalf.
This blog will be all about those tales. My life’s work — the seven books of De Bello Gallico (well, technically I didn’t write the last one myself; but honestly, I think mine were better anyway). These books are so old by now that most people don’t even remember them — which also means they’re not exactly up to modern standards. Because nowadays, every major personality has their own website… except maybe that nouveau-riche tech guy Elon Musk. Nobody likes him anyway. At least he knows Latin and remembers me! Probably wants to be just like me. But he’ll never manage that!
Well, maybe if he actually fights Zuckerberg gladiator-style, he’s picturing himself as a mighty warrior… But in truth, I’d be the glorious leader and he the defeated slave. After all, the word “Kaiser” literally comes from my name — a testament to my unmatched power!
Unfortunately, it may take a moment for that birdsong (nowadays referred to as a “tweet”) to load.
I despise these foreign barbarian words — they make no sense whatsoever. Probably because I didn’t invent them!
He probably just copied that quote! And frankly, he doesn’t even have the right to use my name.
My name deserves to be honored!
But in the end, he chickened out of the fight — how utterly soft. We Romans would say he’s effeminatus. Probably scared Zuckerberg would call for my help — after all, Zuckerberg admits to having studied Latin and loving Roman history and culture.
Back to the point: as I’ve already said, every major figure nowadays has their own blog or website. And now I have one, too. I’m not exactly a tech expert — and I doubt Elon is either. He’s probably too busy thinking about his burning electric donkeys.
Luckily, I have good connections. That’s how I met Vinzenz and Benedikt, who generously offered to build this site for free — so I can finally publish my life’s story! All they asked in return was that the stories be exciting and entertaining enough to attract lots of visitors. Hence the jokes about Elon. They’re funny, aren’t they? Such a wannabe…
So this is my blog now, and I’ve got quite a bit of work to do before people from around the world start pouring in. I’d love to see lots of comments — as a scholar, I speak Latin, Greek, and far more — unlike the barbarians, who lack proper language — so I shall answer every single comment personally.
And because I’m more modern than Elon, I’ve even made sure this blog works offline. That’s what my two admins told me, at least — what exactly that means or what happens when it’s offline, I still don’t know. Give it a try!
That’s enough from me for now.
Enjoy reading,
Gaius Julius Caesar
