You’ve probably heard of the Barbarians 🐺 and Gauls 🦍 before. I’m not allowed to say that publicly, or I’d be reported again or even worse: reported to the discrimination office, but here I dare to say it. I won’t be defeated! The Gauls and Barbarians are truly — as the name suggests — barbaric. You’ve never seen such uncouth fellows. I think they are more animals than humans. They have never spoken a reasonable word or seen a proper road but live in forests 🏡 and fight each other as a pastime. They are so far away from our province that sometimes no traders even reach them.

One group among them is especially bad: the Helvetii. Compared to them, the tribes I described above are pure rabbits. I dare not describe them in more detail, but one word fits well: “Horrible.”

That wouldn’t be so bad by itself, but now the leader of this uncivilized group has sent his henchmen to me, demanding — under threat of violence — to march through my territory to wage war.

Since they claim they have no other way — which is not true — the situation is clear: these dishonest enemies of our republic want to attack my lands.

I don’t yet know what to do, but one thing is certain: I must act and protect our citizens.

I value being close to the people, so please feel free to write in the comments how I should proceed.

I will not allow these “animals” to undermine our civilized society!

It is better to die once and for all than to live in constant expectation of death.

Gaius Julius Caesar

So that you don’t have to experience this, I will protect you from it.

Cheers to me and my successes! 🥂